So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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