saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
