it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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