she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
