i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
