i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
