Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
