the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
