She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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