Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
