two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
