i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
