You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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