you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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