this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
