Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
