fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
