So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's never too late to be topless.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
