The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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