I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i dont even know how to be here
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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