i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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