I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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