The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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