the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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