I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
