you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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