I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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