i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
