I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
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please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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