my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
