she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
