i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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