a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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