he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
