oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
