i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
