I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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