you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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