I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
