She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
