i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
