we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
