were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize