I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
