Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize