I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
