It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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