If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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