farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
