The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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