i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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