oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
