Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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