What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
