This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
