either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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