Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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