are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
