I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
