he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
