we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
